Think of You
by HopelessRomantic984
Summary: Jude returns to Toronto after almost five years, and after leaving an abusive relationship. What happens when she unexpectedly runs into Tommy Quincy, the man she left and has really never gotten over? This will probably have four installments.
1. Think of You

A/N: This is a one-shot song fic, using lyrics from A Fine Frenzy's "Think of You". I don't own the song or the IS characters.

**Think of Me**

Home sweet home.

Over four years have passed since I've been in Toronto with the intention of staying longer than one or two days. Reflecting for a minute on my homecoming, I drag my tired but restless body towards the baggage claim.

**It's one hundred and nine degrees in this crowded room**

**No room to breathe with walls as cold as a gallery**

I look around the sterile, unfeeling walls of the airport and see that, even though it's late, there are many excited faces of people welcoming their loved ones home.

**It's a bad night to be alone**

**But that's the way it goes**

Even though I didn't tell anyone I was coming, I still can't stop my eyes from scanning the crowd for a familiar face. I sigh loudly, recognizing no one, chastising myself for being stupid. I push the thought out of my mind and continue towards my destination.

I stand in front of the baggage claim, waiting patiently for my bags to arrive. I take a deep breath, finally letting the truth hit me.

I'm finally free.

After two years of living with his abuse, Ethan is in jail and I can put my head down at night knowing that he won't hurt me any more.

And at the age of 24, I feel like I'm beginning my life all over again.

**I think of you whenever life gets me down**

**I think of you whenever you're not around**

Being back in Toronto, my thoughts are suddenly filled with the man I left behind almost five years ago, the man I once thought I would never leave. I often find myself thinking about Tommy, but with even more frequency when things are bad. Which has been most of my life for the past 2 years. I often wonder what would have happened, how my life would have turned out if I'd just… stayed.

But things are never that simple. I should know that by now. Over five years ago when Tommy asked me to be with him, to go to Thailand with him, I jumped at the chance. There was no way I could resist Tommy Quincy's declaration of love.

We had an amazing time in Asia. Even after we came back to a re-opened G-Major and began working at our old jobs again, we were still deeply in love. But gradually, after a year or so, we started arguing and just generally not getting along. Complications arose at every turn, and instead of facing them head on, we let them tear us slowly apart. Not exactly surprising considering this is Tommy and I that I'm referring to. So, when I was offered a chance to record with a big American label in LA, I took it. I left Toronto and everything it held behind me

And I made the biggest mistake of my life.

Tommy and I settled back into a sort of friendship and kept in touch for a while. But neither of us were built for a long-distance relationship, even a friendship. The calls became less frequent, and eventually we lost touch completely.

I threw myself into my new life with a whole new set of people. People I hoped could help me forget about the man I left back in Toronto. One of these new people was Ethan Monroe, a hot-shot producer for the label I had signed with. He was amazing, or so I thought at the time. He made me smile, laugh even. And inevitably we started becoming closer than just friends. And as I became closer to Ethan, I felt myself drifting away from Tommy and whatever remnants of a relationship we had left.

**I thought I had it all figured out in a brand new life**

**With a great big house**

**And initials on the towels**

**I should be happy now**

I wholeheartedly lost myself in my new relationship and tried my best to forget about Tommy. After two years of being in LA, my music was becoming a real hit. And I had a great new boyfriend. Ethan and I had been dating for a year and we were the perfect successful couple. Things seemed to be going so well.

Until the first time Ethan hit me.

I arrived home late one night after going out with some friends. When I entered the mansion we were sharing, I noticed immediately that he was drunk. He became almost instantly angry, going ballistic and raving like a lunatic. When I tried to calm him down, he smacked me soundly across the face. I still remember the shock and anger and sadness I felt in that moment.

And the next day when he apologized, I was stupid enough to believe that he really was sorry. That it really wouldn't happen again.

But it did. Many times. And I felt myself losing a piece of myself, the strong, independent person I had been in Toronto, every time he hit me. And every time I examined the damage in the mirror, and saw the bruises and scratches, Tommy's face would consume my mind. Just thinking of him, I felt ashamed. All that ran through my mind was that he wouldn't do this to me. And he would be frantic with anger if he knew it was happening. I felt ashamed for staying, for forgiving Ethan every time.

I even came to Toronto to visit Sadie once, about a year and a half ago, and contemplated tracking down Tommy and asking for his help. He was the only one I thought of trusting enough to tell. But when Sadie picked me up from the airport, she filled me in on the latest piece of G-Major gossip – Tommy Quincy was engaged.

I remember feeling my heart tighten; he didn't need me complicating his life. Whatever I was going to do, it would have to be without Tommy's help. Or anyone else's. No one else knew I was even in Toronto because I had sworn Sadie to secrecy. And I decided to keep it that way.

**I saw you once on the street**

**You didn't notice me**

On the last day of that visit to Toronto, I asked Sadie to meet me at a coffee shop across from G-Major to say goodbye before I caught a cab to the airport. I remember waiting at the coffee shop, praying for a glimpse of Tommy. Just one look.

And I got my wish. I remember the exact moment I saw him rush out the doors of G-Major; it was as if time had actually stopped. My breath caught in my throat as I watched him stride down the street. He was still Tommy. My amazing, gorgeous Tommy. Except he wasn't mine anymore.

He didn't see me and I did nothing to draw his attention towards me. I was out of his life. He had moved on.

I'm jolted back to the present when I hear the conveyor belt start up and the bags from my flight begin to slide down the ramp. Luckily my bags are two of the first ones to arrive and I grab them quickly.

I walk down the terminal heading for the exit, glancing around idly when I suddenly see him approaching. Tommy Quincy, the last person I ever expected to see at the airport at 1:30 am on a Saturday morning.

I stand frozen and he begins to move closer. He doesn't see me; he's completely preoccupied, talking to someone on his cell phone. I want to avoid him but I literally can't move.

Finally I shake off the shock and spin quickly around, hoping to find somewhere to hide until he leaves.

As I walk, I feel the adrenaline from seeing him kick in. My heart is beating loudly in my ears. But just over the sound of my own heartbeat, I hear him yell my name. At least I think I hear it.

Hoping I'm just dreaming, I continue walking until I hear him call my name again. In the middle of a half-empty airport, I can't deny hearing that.

I turn slowly, my heart beating out of my chest. As he jogs the distance between us to catch up to me, I place my bags down at my feet.

"Jude?" He says shocked, finding it as hard to believe as I am that we would meet here after all this time.

"Tommy," I say simply, trying to breathe. I take him in, noticing every familiar detail. His piercing blue eyes, his perfectly styled hair, his chiseled facial features; everything about him looks so familiar, so inviting. Although he's a bit older, it looks really good on him. He smiles, that familiar heartwarming smile.

He suddenly wraps his arms around me, hugging me tightly. Although I try not to, I can't help but wince slightly. My injuries from the last time Ethan hit me, only a few short days ago, are far too fresh for me to hold in the pain.

He looks at me curiously before I see the realization hit him. He lifts his hand to outline the slightly faded bruise that colors my cheekbone.

His hand on my face feels so amazing, so natural, that I have to stop myself from leaning into it.

"I guess you haven't turned on the news today," I say, my voice weak from nerves. "I had Ethan Monroe, one of LA's most successful producers, arrested today for abuse."

He drops his hand and his fists visibly clench at his sides. "I'm so sorry Jude. But I'm proud of you for getting out," he says softly, his face full of tenderness. He's giving me the look, the one I always said that he saved just for me.

I avert my eyes, unable to stand his persistent gaze. "There's nothing to be proud of, believe me."

He raises his hand to my chin, lifting my head so that he can look me in the eye. I see another wave of realization hitting him. "How long has it been going on?"

"About two years."

"Oh, Jude…" I see the pain and anger on his face, and also empathy for what I've gone through.

**Just to put your mind at ease**

**You don't owe me anything**

**You paid me well in memories**

I clear my throat, suddenly feeling the need to tell him all the things I had been thinking. "I guess in some weird way, I should thank you for my decision to finally leave. Every time he hit me, I thought about you, the memories that you and I shared. I remembered how you acted, how you would never even think of hurting me like he did," I pause for a minute, taking a deep breath before finishing what I need to say.

**I think of you whenever life gets me down**

**I think of you whenever you're not around**

"I always knew that what you and I had was special. I know it wasn't perfect. But it was real. And thinking of you got me through the really hard times, when I wasn't sure what my purpose was or if I could deal with what was happening. And it was thinking about you, and the kind of man that you are, that made me finally decide to go to the police," I say, my voice cracking with emotion. "I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to leave him. A couple of broken ribs and a whole lot of bruises later, here I am."

I can tell he's speechless. I mean, no doubt this is a lot to take in.

I take the opportunity to begin to change the situation. "Anyway, it's over. He's in jail and other than the trial, if there is one, I don't plan on seeing him ever again," I say dismissively, praying he'll let the subject go. "But, what about you, what's new in the life of Tommy Quincy?"

"I'm doing okay. I was engaged for a while but that… well, it didn't work out," he says, dropping his gaze to the floor.

I can feel my jaw drop helplessly. "Sadie mentioned you were engaged. I just assumed you got married."

He shakes his head. "Nope. We just weren't…right."

The words, reminiscent of the ones he said to me on my seventeenth birthday, send a chill down my spine. I have to remind myself that Tommy's not mine anymore. I gave up any right to hope that he still loved me.

**And you rest your bones**

**Somewhere far from my own**

I don't know what else to say. I would stand in his presence forever, but it's not fair to my heart. I still love him. I always have. And seeing him face to face after all these years just cements that fact.

"Well, I should go," I say reluctantly. "Sadie doesn't know I'm in town yet so I have to go wake her up, and deal with her wrath once I do so. I called her this afternoon before the story broke. She was less than impressed with me, and told me to get my butt here as soon as I could so she could yell at me in person," I say, smirking at my sister's temper. "She told me she suspected that something was wrong… "

"She never said anything to me—"

"Because I imagine she knew how you'd react."

"Jude, if I had known you were in trouble, I would have dropped everything to help you."

We stand staring at each other in silent. He's worried and scared for me, and sad that all this happened without him even suspecting. And I see a glint of something else, that old spark that we've always shared. Tommy doesn't hide things very well, and I can read him like a book.

"Well, I should go," I say again, lifting my bag this time for emphasis.

I begin to turn before I feel his arm touching mine lightly.

"Have coffee with me."

I turn back around slowly. I glance at him skeptically. "What? It's 1:30 in the morning."

**You still pull me home**

He looks at me determined, undeterred by my logical response. "Jude, have coffee with me. We have a lot to talk about." He holds out his open hand, inviting me to take it, take him back into my life.

His eyes are bright, hopeful. They hold everything he's not saying. Like the fact that if I take his hand, we won't stop at coffee. If I take his hand we'll be starting over again.

**You still pull me home**

This is Tommy, the only man I've ever loved. The one I never should have left.

I reach my hand forward tentatively, and squeeze his firmly as he smiles at me, grabbing my bigger suitcase.

**You still pull me home**

And as we walk hand in hand towards the nearest coffee stand in the airport, I feel for the first time since arriving that I am finally home again. And I don't just mean in Toronto; I mean here with Tommy. No matter how what's happened to me or how long I've been gone, it's where my home has always been.


	2. All I Need

A/N: Hey! Well, I did decide to add to this. Just in case there is any confusion, the song featured in bold and italics are the lyrics Jude is writing...

Just to let you know, I think there will be 4 parts. (The next part will be from Tommy's perspective.)

I don't own anything including the song I'm featuring in this part. The song is "All I Need" by Within Temptation.

* * *

_**All I Need**_

Happily ever after.

I should have known it doesn't really exist. The problem is that I can't blame anyone but myself.

It's been three months since I returned to Toronto and what I thought was going to be a new beginning for Tommy and I really hasn't turned out that way.

For the first few weeks, things seemed to be going really well. I began working at G-Major again and even after almost five years we settled back into our old musical routine.

Musically we are still as in synch as we ever were. It just goes to show that some things are destined. And apparently Tommy and I were meant to make music together.

The rest of it, the personal side of our relationship isn't so certain, though.

I sigh loudly at the state of my life right now. I need to write. I can feel my fingers itching to put in writing everything I can't seem to deal with. I grab my pencil and my journal out of my bag and curl up on the couch in Studio C. It's late and everyone's gone home but I decided to stay, needing to give myself time to be alone and think. I've been sitting in Studio C for hours, just thinking and crying.

Why haven't things worked out how I hoped they would? Maybe some things just aren't supposed to, I concede to myself. But Tommy and I? When I took his hand at the airport on my first night back, I was positive that this was the second chance we were both searching for.

So, what's gone wrong? What's led to me locking myself in Studio C crying my eyes out?

Well, I've realized that it's entirely my fault. Let's start with the fact that I can't seem to let Tommy in. When he tries to get close, I push him away. It's like a reflex I can't break myself of. Tommy's been trying to deepen our relationship. And I've been putting up every conceivable roadblock to avoid getting hurt again.

I sigh loudly, feeling the lyrical inspiration flow through me, the words that I want to say to Tommy but can't find the breath to verbalize.

I finally put my pencil to paper and begin to scribble furiously in my journal.

_**I'm dying to catch my breath  
Oh why don't I ever learn  
I've lost all my trust **_

_**that I'm sure we try to  
Turn it around **_

I've been thinking a lot about what's wrong, and I've begun to identify the deeper problem of what's going on inside of me. It essentially has nothing to do with Tommy. But he's the one who's paying for the horror I endured with Ethan. I feel nervous around almost everyone and I find it difficult to trust and put faith in anyone. Even Tommy. It's not that I don't feel it. I do. I love him and I trust him. I know he'd never do what Ethan did. But it's a psychological impairment I haven't been able to rid myself of. And I wonder how long Tommy is going to wait around while I try and get my head on straight.

Actually I think it might already be too late. Today, after we were done recording, I overhead Tommy say to Kwest that he was going out on a date tonight. He stared directly at me, daring me with his eyes to speak up, stake my claim on him. And what did I do?

Nothing.

Well, actually, I quietly muttered for him to have a good time before I frantically gathered my stuff and hid out in Studio C. Where I'm still hiding.

This song that I'm writing might be too late. But as I've thinking these last few hours, I realized that in order to start to heal, I need to be honest about everything I'm feeling. About my fear, about my love for Tommy. I can feel the words bursting for release and I need to finally let them out.

I refocus on the lyrics I'm writing. I want Tommy to know how I feel; even if it's too late I want him to hear the words that my subconscious defences are not allowing me to say to him.

_**Can you still see the heart of me  
All my agony fades away  
When you hold me in your embrace**_

As I think of his embrace, a recent memory floods my mind, the memory of the last time Tommy kissed me. It was about a month after I came back, and Tommy was driving me to Sadie's, where I'm still currently living. He parked the car in the driveway and without any words he leaned over, lifting his hands to cradle my face gently, and he kissed me. A soft, sensual kiss, one that barely veiled the passion hiding beneath. I could tell he wanted more but he didn't want to push. He forced himself to pull back, and I heard him sighing as I jumped out of the car. I almost ran into the house and up to my room.

The truth was, and still is, that Tommy Quincy scares the hell of me.

_**Don't turn me down  
For all I need  
Make my heart a better place  
Give me something I can believe**_

_**Don't turn me down  
You're far from the door now  
Don't let it close**_

Tommy doesn't scare me in the way that Ethan scares me. What scares me is my feelings for Tommy. I'm afraid of the intensity of my love for him and the intensity of his feelings for me. A love this powerful could destroy me, and I've already almost been shattered by one relationship and I didn't love Ethan nearly as much as I love Tommy. If Tommy and I became involved again and didn't work out, I don't know what that would do to me this time around. For the last two years I lived with someone who hurt me intentionally, for fun or control or whatever other reason he came up with. And it broke me in ways I'm not sure can be fixed.

_**He only had to go  
I wish I could let it go  
I know that I'm only one step away  
From turning around**_

Why am I bothering to write this song for Tommy, then? Well, it's not just for him. I want to get over what's holding me back from progressing forward. If I don't it's like Ethan still has a hold over me, like he still controls my life. And he doesn't. I won't let him hold me back any longer.

_**I've tried many times but nothing was real  
Make it fade away  
Don't break me down  
I want to believe that this is for real  
Save me from my fear  
Don't turn me down**_

Even if Tommy has moved on from me, and I couldn't blame him if he has, writing this song is necessary and therapeutic. Although I desperately hope that Tommy hears this and understands that I'm finally asking him to take advantage of our second chance, if he doesn't the song is still achieving part of its purpose. I can already feel it freeing me from some of the fear that I've been subconsciously holding on to. With this song, I'm finally allowing my defences to fall. I'm reaching out to Tommy and exposing my vulnerabilities like I used to in my music.

I'm becoming me again.

Tommy has tried to help me, tried to get through to me countless times, and I wouldn't let him. We fought about it more than a few times. He pleaded with me to let him help me; he wanted me to talk about what I went through and I wouldn't. I know now that I haven't been fair to him or myself. How could I possibly expect to let go of any of this without talking about it, or at the very least writing about it?

The catalyst to finally dealing with all of this was hearing that Tommy had a date tonight. I could almost feel the truth begin to crash down upon me. I've been living in a state of paralysis for the last three months, not letting anyone close and not allowing anyone to help me.

Well, that changes tonight.

_**Don't turn me down **_

_**For all I need  
Make my heart a better place**_

After tonight, I'm not going to allow my fear to control my life. Regardless of what Ethan said or did or how he made me feel, I am worthy of the love and friendship of the people close to me. Tonight, I begin to reclaim my life.

I look proudly down at the scribbled pages I've written. They're visibly tear-stained and worn from the adjustments I've made. I feel like I've just emerged from a cocoon.

It's one of my best songs, definitely one of the most emotional ones I've ever written. For the last three months Tommy and I have been writing catchy songs, but nothing as powerful and meaningful as this. I couldn't let myself go that deep before. But I'm not afraid any more. I just hope Tommy will understand what all of this means.

I grab my stuff and head into Studio A. I set up the soundboard for an a capella rendition of this song.

I'm recording this for Tommy; I need him to hear it, hear the emotion that I'm finally allowing myself to express to him.

I stand in front of the microphone for a moment, relishing the new freedom I'm experiencing. I finally feel the bindings of fear releasing me.

I begin to sing, needing only one take to sing the entire song. As I reach the last verse, I close my eyes, allowing myself to get lost in all that I'm feeling.

_**Don't tear me down  
For all I need  
Make my heart a better place  
Give me something I can believe  
Don't tear it down  
What's left of me  
Make my heart a better place**_

When I'm finished singing, I sit in front of the soundboard and listen to what I've just recorded. It's raw and unedited, just how I prefer it. I burn it to a CD and pull out my journal again.

I begin to write Tommy a note, something to explain why he should listen to what I've recorded.

_Tommy,_

_Hopefully this will tell you everything I haven't been able to say to you. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to admit to both of us what I really want._

_You._

_All my love,_

_Jude_

I rip the piece paper out of my journal and fold it, writing Tommy's name on the outside of it.

I leave the CD and the note on the soundboard directly in front of where Tommy always sits. I have tomorrow off but I know Tommy has to come in to mix some of my songs.

I glance once more at the CD, praying that it will mean as much to him as it does to me. Then I stride out into the beautiful night air, feeling like I have been reborn.


	3. Can't Let You Go

A/N: This part is from Tommy's perspective. This occurs the same night that Jude has recorded the song and left it for Tommy to find…

**Can't Let You Go**

_**I'll stick around  
See how bad it gets**_

Sometimes I marvel at the depths of my own stupidity. Tonight was a really, really bad idea. I thought that maybe, finally, after three months of waiting for Jude to decide if she wants me or not, that I should start dating again.

The problem? I don't want to date anyone but Jude.

The date was a disaster. Well, Katherine probably didn't think so, but in my head all I could think about was Jude. And the fact that she wasn't here. The fact that I was on a date with someone else while Jude was… god knows where.

_**I'll settle down and deal with old regrets**_

_**You know I adore you**_

I thought moving on was the right thing to do. But when I was sitting eating dinner tonight, pretending to listen to Katherine ramble on about her job and her interests, all I could think was that if I was moving on, wasn't I giving Jude the right to move on as well? And the last thing I want is to have to see Jude turn to someone else. I feel the immediate onslaught of panic at the thought of watching her with another man. After all she's been through, I just want her to heal and open up to me. Did I ruin that tonight with my stupidity?

_**Can't let you go  
You're part of my soul  
You're all that I know  
I Can't let you go**_

My mind keeps racing back to the moment tonight when I mentioned the date to Kwest, knowing very well that Jude would overhear. I wanted her to hear; I wanted her to do something. Yell at me, punch me, or even better, kiss me. But she just looked at me, her eyes betraying her devastation. And she practically ran from the room. I knew I had hurt her. I had done the last thing I ever wanted to do.

If only she understood that I want only her. Never anyone else but her. And no matter what I do, even though I hadn't even seen her for four years, she's the only one who ever held my whole heart in her hands.

So now here I am, pulling my Viper into the parking lot of G-Major. After forcing myself to be polite and listen to Katherine for a while tonight, I feigned illness and headed home. But I was way too keyed up and anxious to sleep. The least I can do is try and get some work done. It's really late but I have a few songs I need to work on mixing. And since I can't stop thinking about Jude, I might as well listen to her captivating voice as well.

As I slam the door of the Viper and run through the heavy rain towards the entrance of G-Major, I muse that the real reason I went on that stupid date was because I was hurt. I was tired of being shut out by Jude, when in the past we had been so open with each other about everything. I found out earlier today that she has been planning to go to LA this weekend to face Ethan. And she had no intention of telling me. Sadie let it slip and when I confronted Jude, she admitted that she hadn't planned on telling me until she came back. I'm still frustrated thinking about it, about the fact that she either can't or won't trust me with everything.

_**Down from the edge I can see where we end  
and I'd give up all of my days to go back**_

I keep asking myself if it's really over with Jude. I mean, I don't want it to be. But if she doesn't trust me or she can't open up, I just don't know how we can move forward. I've tried to help her, offered to listen or just sit with her so many times. And she's refused every single time.

I just want to go back to a time when things were simpler. When Jude didn't know what it was like to be assaulted by a man who supposedly cared about her. Back to a time when she still trusted implicitly. I want to help her. I want to take away all her pain and her doubts away. But I can't do any of that until she lets me in.

_**There was all this wonder  
and all this magic**_

As I drop my stuff inside the door of Studio A, I can't help but think back to when things were good between Jude and I. Being with her was like nothing else I had ever experienced. One particular memory I've always kept close to my heart is one from when we went to Thailand together. I still can't believe that trip was six years ago. In some ways, it feels like it was just yesterday. I remember waking up very early one morning. Jude was sleeping peacefully, her body tucked tightly against my chest, one of my arms holding her securely in place. In sleep my other hand had tangled itself in her hair, and I felt the soft strands strewn across my skin. I lay there for hours just watching her, revelling in her beauty and the fact that she had actually taken the leap to be with me. She had disregarded her family and her friends, who always told her I was no good for her, and come with me. Listening to her steady breathing and smelling the scent of her intoxicating body was exactly what I wanted to wake up to every morning of my life. It was still early in our trip and we had not made love yet. She had wanted to but I had stopped us, wanting her first time to be special. And only a few short weeks later when we did make love for the first time, when she trusted me with her virginity, it was amazing and breathtaking. Whenever I am with Jude, even now when she's distant, I feel magic I've never felt with anyone else.

I drag my mind back to the present, forcing myself to get to work on mixing those songs. But as I look down at the soundboard, I immediately notice the note, written in Jude's loopy handwriting, and the CD case lying underneath it.

_**If love were a whisper  
What could I give you to speak**_

I tentatively open the note, not having a clue whether I would want to read the words or not. As I read the words, I feel the note slip through my shaking fingertips.

_I'm sorry it's taken me this long to admit to both of us what I really want. You._ She wrote that; I read it again and again, in pure disbelief. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm in a dream. Is she finally admitting what I've wanted to hear all these months?

I pop the CD in and close my eyes as her smooth, flawless voice begins to waft through the speakers. The intensity of her voice and the poignancy of her lyrics touch a part of my soul that only she has access to. I feel a few tears slide down my cheeks; I've never felt so many emotions at one time. I'm relieved and happy because I feel like she's finally opening the door to her inner thoughts, yet I feel sad because of the pain I hear in her voice.

_**I Can't let you go  
You're part of my soul  
You're all that I know  
I Can't let you go**_

My heart is racing as the song ends. I am stunned and in awe of it, of what it means. I've always known that we belonged together. It's the only reason that after all these years she is still the only one I've ever truly loved. She's a part of me, the part that makes me a better person, the part that forces me to see that tomorrow is worth living. And this song infuses me with a sense of hope. I pray that the song is what I think it is; I pray that it's an invitation back into her heart and her life.

I jump out of my chair. I need to find her. I can't wait another minute to talk to her.

Bolting out of G-Major towards my Viper, I silently thank God for second chances. Or third or fourth. However many it takes Jude and me to get it right.

_**You're part of my soul  
You're all that I know**_


	4. All For Believing

A/N: Thank you all for reading and leaving feedback. This was always meant to be a mini-story, so sadly, this is the **last **part! This part is from Tommy's perspective and the song that inspired it is Missy Higgins' "All for Believing".

I hope you enjoyed this mini-story!

* * *

**All for Believing**

The brakes of my Viper screech to a halt in front of Jude's apartment building. I've never been one to obey the speed limit, but tonight my urgency to reach Jude has taken my driving to a whole new level. It's a good thing it's late and there doesn't appear to be any police around, or else I'd be facing a huge speeding ticket.

I slam the door of the Viper and run through the rain towards the lobby of Jude's building. I'm lucky enough to slide through the doors of the almost closed elevator just in time.

Luck seems to be on my side tonight. Hopefully that will help me when I see Jude. I mean, I know I hurt her tonight by going on a date tonight with someone else. But that long she wrote – I feel the emotion build in my chest just thinking about it. That song is exactly what I've been wanting to her say to me for months. But I need to hear it from her face to face. I need her to say that she's finally going to stop hiding from me.

_**Pull back the shield between us, and I'll kiss you**_

I step off the elevator and onto her floor, making my way quickly down the hallway. I stop in front of her door, taking a deep, cleansing breath before knocking.

I stand still, taking in every detail of her wooden front door, the chipping paint around the edges, the brass number telling me that I am indeed standing in front of the right apartment.

I knock again, and I realize that my knocking is becoming more frequent, more desperate.

_Where is she?_

"I guess I'm not home," I hear spoken softly from behind me. I turn quickly, and find myself looking straight into her amused eyes. She's soaking wet, and I suddenly remember how much she loves walking in the rain. I'll have to try that sometime with her, if she'll let me.

Before I give her a chance to suspect what I'm doing, I close the distance between us and pull her gently towards me, planting a soft kiss on her lips.

_**Drop your defenses and come, into my arms.  
I'm all for believing**_

I pull back a fraction, stopping myself from deepening the kiss; I lean my forehead down onto hers, breathing her closeness in.

I don't want to scare her. I know she's still fragile; I just want her to know how I still feel.

I look down into her affected, vulnerable eyes. She is scared, but not of me. She's scared to trust anyone. And I don't blame her one bit.

She allows herself a minute in my arms before she pulls away. I see the conflict in her eyes. She's trying to stay open towards me, trying to push her defenses back and tell herself it's okay to be vulnerable.

"Do you want to come in?" she asks, her voice barely audible.

"More than anything."

She pulls out her key, trying to unlock the door with her unsteady hand.

_**I'm all for believing if you can reveal the true colours within**_

I cover her hand with mine. "Let me." She nods and I take the key from her grasp after purposely letting my hand linger on hers for a moment longer than necessary. I slide the key into the lock and swing the door open, motioning for her to enter.

"Thanks," she whispers, entering, tossing her bag on the floor by the door, and slipping off her soaked jacket.

She's nervous. I can tell by the way she's fidgeting, trying to decide what to do.

_**I know you blanket your mind so much that I am blind, but I,  
I see you've painted your soul into your guard**_

"I'll be right back. I'm… I'm going to go change out of these clothes," she says quietly, striding quickly out of the room. I know instinctively that she's using it as an excuse to avoid talking to me, even for one more minute.

_**I'm all for believing, I'm all for believing**_

I know she wants this, she wants to be with me. Along with the anxiety, I can see love and desire written on her face. She wants it but she's afraid to let herself have it. She's afraid to let herself take another risk, even if could make her happy.

I walk into the small kitchen, searching through her cupboards to find a mug and a packet of herbal tea. As I prepare the tea for her, and wait for her to emerge from her bedroom, I take in the details of the apartment that slipped my notice when I first walked in.

It's sparsely decorated. There are hardly any homey touches or anything uniquely 'Jude'. A flash of colour catches my eyes from the corner of the room and I walk towards it. It's a framed photo sitting on the mantel, one of only a couple that she has displayed.

I pick up the photo and I can't help but smile. It's a picture of us from one of our first few days in Thailand. I remember that day so vividly. She'd been complaining about the heat all day and finally decided to tie her long blonde hair up in a messy bun at the back. Tendrils of hair were falling in front of her face, and I remember kissing her soundly to make her stop talking about how bad her hair must look. I thought she had never looked more beautiful.

We were both so happy, evidenced by the huge grins on our faces. But what really hits me is the uninhibited sense of fun and laughter that exudes from her in the photo. That's who Jude was then, before Ethan stole the light from her eyes.

_**I need to know just how you feel, to comfort you;  
I need to find the key to let me in, into your heart, to find your soul**_

Her bedroom door creaks open and she walks slowly towards the living room. I place the picture back on the mantel and make my way back to the kitchen to fetch the tea for her.

I return to the living room where she's begun to pace aimlessly. I smirk helplessly, knowing that if she's pacing, she really must be nervous.

I hold the tea to her and she takes it. "Thank you," she says smiling. "You know, this is my apartment, I should be asking you if you want anything. But there you are. Looking after me as usual."

She sits hesitantly down on the couch, taking small sips from the tea.

"I heard the song. And I got your note," I blurt out, unable to hold back what I want to say anymore.

Her head snaps up, surprised. "I didn't think you'd get either of them until tomorrow. Although, I should have known with you kissing me at the door," she says, and I see a small smile curving her lips.

"So…" I begin. There's so much I want to say, and so much I want to ask. But now I'm here I feel a little bit nervous myself. "The song and the note. I'm hoping they mean what I think they mean."

She places the cup on the coffee table in front of her, trying to steady her still-shaking hands. I sit next to her on the couch, reaching for her hands with mine. "They mean… that I love you. I always have," she spits out. I can tell she's surprised at her own blatant admission. "But I'm scared. I'm scared of letting you in. Of immersing myself in what I feel for you. And losing control. I want to… I do. I just… I'm not sure I know how anymore."

_**Pull back the shield between us, and I'll kiss you,  
Drop your defenses and come, into my arms.  
I'm all for believing**_

I take a deep breath. She said it; she said that she loves me. It's the one thing I've been praying I'd hear coming from her lips. But after five years, I was starting to think that might not happen.

I squeeze her hands and she bows her head, hiding her eyes from my view.

I move one of my hands to her chin, tilting it up, forcing her to look at me. There are tears in her eyes, and a few on her cheeks that have already fallen.

"Jude…" I pull her close, disregarding my resolution to hold her at a distance so that I don't scare her. She needs this, she needs to know I'm here. That I'll always be here.

She nestles in my arms and I can feel her tense body beginning to relax.

_**I'm all for believing, if you can reveal, the true colours within,  
And say you will be there for me to hold,  
When the faith grows old  
And life turns cold,  
When the faith grows old, and life turns cold**_

"I'm so sorry about everything. That I wasn't there when you needed me the most. You don't know how guilty I feel everyday when I wake up, thinking that if I'd come to see you, even once, I could have stopped things from getting so bad." I feel my ire begin to rise. "I would have killed him. No one touches my girl and gets away with it."

She pulls back to look up into my eyes. For some reason she's smirking. "You don't know how much I've missed that simple phrase. 'My girl'. It feel like ages since I've heard it." Her expression sobers. "But Tommy, you can't blame yourself. I stayed for **two years**. What kind of idiot does that make me? You know, I never told you this but I was in Toronto once and I saw you. I was sitting across the street from G-Major waiting for Sadie and you strode out the doors towards the Viper. And everything in me screamed for me to run to you."

I'm shocked. I just assumed she hadn't been back to Toronto during her years away. "Why didn't you?" I can't help but asking, since she's finally beginning to talk about the past.

She shrugs lightly. "That was actually my initial point in coming home. I was going to come back and tell you and you were going to make it all better. That was the plan." I sense a bit of sarcasm dripping from her words.

"Wait. You were going to tell me?" I'm floored by this revelation.

She nods her head, settling her body back against mine on the couch. She looks drained. "I was. But then Sadie told me you were engaged and that changed everything. See, you weren't my Tommy anymore. You were somebody else's and for the first time I realized that I couldn't expect you to just be there. And that was a scary, scary thought. Because you'd always been there, whether I wanted it or not."

"Oh, Jude. You should have come to me. You have to know I would do anything for you."

She reaches her hand up to my face, as if she's making sure I'm really here. "I know that. Now, I know that. But you know what, leaving him was something I needed to do on my own, to prove to myself that I had the strength to do it. And I'm beginning to prove to myself now that I can continue living too. He's not going control my life, not for another second. I just hope it's not too late," she says, looking into my eyes with a hopeful, but fearful expression. "I hope it's not too late for us."

_**I believe in what I see and baby we were meant to be**_

I smile, trying to comfort her with my body and my words. "I'm here. I will always be here. And if there's one thing I know now, it's that it will never be too late for us." I lean down and kiss her temple. "I love you, Jude. That has never wavered. If anything, it's only gotten stronger."

_**Just believe.**_

A warm smile spreads across her face. "I love you too, Tommy. And I don't want to be afraid anymore." She pulls back from my embrace, turning so that she's sitting facing me. She reaches forwards, caressing my face with her hands. I suck in a breath, still amazed at how great her simple touch feels.

_**Just believe.**_

She leans forwards tentatively, until our lips are only millimetres apart. I can feel her warm breath on my face, and I close my eyes, anticipating her kiss.

_**Just believe.**_

I sit patiently, waiting for her to take the plunge, waiting for her to initiate the kiss. She needs to decide when she's ready. She needs to choose if this is what she wants and needs.

Suddenly, I feel her warm lips pressed down onto mine. The kiss is soft and before I even have a chance, she's deepening it, her tongue running along my bottom lip, begging for entrance to my mouth.

_**Trust in me.**_

We pull back minutes later, breathless and dazed. I run a hand through her glossy hair, revelling in the feel of it against my skin again.

She takes a deep breath. "Tommy, will you…" she clears her throat, suddenly looking nervous again. She takes a deep breath and I see the confidence return to her face. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

I nod silently, unable to suppress a smile. She stands up, reaching her hand out for me to take. I don't hesitate seizing her small hand in my larger one as I stand up to follow her towards her bedroom.

Finally after all these years, we're back together. We're back where we always should have been.

And this time, we're not going to let it slip away. Because together, our love makes us stronger. It's not a destructive force like the love she experienced with Ethan. Our love has a healing power because we know we're safe; we know that we're home. Jude and I are like pieces of a puzzle that fit together, and even after all this time, we know exactly where we've belonged all along.


End file.
